The answer to this is…I have absolutely no idea. No clue whatsoever, no matter the fact that I think about this 24/7, all the time. I have not written for the last week almost. I did miss it, but I felt like I had nothing to talk about ( weird, I know ).

Here in Dubai there was a long holiday and I did absolutely nothing, aside reading by the pool or in the house, eat a lot, drink a lot, watch Xmas movies and just feeling absolutely lazy, unwilling to dress up to go out or see anyone. But I know that this is so unlike me. Don’t get me wrong, I like my lazy time and having plenty time to read, but these 5 days were almost too much for my usual me. I had a to-do list for these 5 days and I managed to do 1-2 things ( the easiest ones ) and left everything else behind. I simply didn’t have the energy for anything. And I hate feeling like this more than anything else in the world.

I know that possibly every aspect in my life is not where I would like it to be. And at the same time, I don’t know how to fix it. I cannot get myself to be strong and make a solid plan ( I am great at work planning…not so much as setting personal goals ). Despite everything that I have read in the past 11 months, despite all the learnings that I have shared with you, I seem to be missing the fire that I need to take myself out of this situation. I know something needs to change. And I know what has to change. But I don’t know how to. I seem to be lost and stuck, which is totally unlike me. Work is not what it should feel like, family is not what it should feel like, relationship and friendships are not what they should feel like, my body is definitely not what it should look like, and finances are not where I would like them to be ( thanks to 4 months jobless…FU Covid ).

I have so many hopes and dreams, yet no plan on how to reach them and make them become reality.

I am literally finding myself googling stuff like “create your 20201 goals”, “the perfect goal planner”, and the such. And as we all know, the New Year is a prime moment for this kind of research. And as we all know as well, 90% of New Year goals never see the light of day, or past the first month if you are strong enough. I wonder why? Why can’t we stick to what we know we want to do? I am so guilty of this. I get all these ideas and make plans and have dreams and for just a moment I almost make it…and than drop it all without second thoughts. I want, I need! to break this vicious circle. And maybe, this could be the future of this blog…something to help me become accountable to myself as I share my experience outside of my head, with the rest of the world ( ok, maybe that’s too much as not the world reads this yet, but you get what I mean ).

I always thought I was strong. I think I still am, but maybe not as much as I thought I was. Otherwise I would have “fixed” everything a long time ago. I probably really need to jot down a proper plan and stick to it no matter what. Share my plan with others that can support me and ensure I see through with everything I set myself to do.

I have been following Rebel Wilson’s progress this year, that she called “The Year of Health”, and I was really impressed how she stuck to it and achieved what she set herself to, one month in advance. I need that stamina, that drive, and for some reason, I cannot get it out of myself. I just feel hungry for energy and for happiness. I want to do something meaningful with my life, I want to feel as I have contributed to something important and know that I have done something with my life.

I know I need to make a plan. I know that I need to focus on THE ONE thing in every aspect of my life and dedicate all my energy to those priorities…I don’t want all that reading and knowledge to go to waste! Ahahahah. And most important of all, I know that my life needs to change. I need it to change. I have this longing for stability, happiness, purpose, energy, drive. And I know that only I can make that happen, no one else.

So my initial thought is to make some further research and reading, dig into my head a bit more, and set myself a plan for 2021. I need to. I know I want to…and I wonder why is it so difficult being 100% sure about something, and still being unable to take the first step to make it happen? I guess I probably need to make a promise, a commitment, to myself. To love myself enough to “just do it”, and turn dreams into realities.

I will keep you updated on my progress, and I would love to hear from you in the meantime as well. Do you feel the same? Do you have any tips or recommendations? What is your 20201 goal/s?