This topic can be read in two ways: learning to say NO and stop caring about what people say and follow our own path. In the end, both sides of the coin have the same objective: ensuring that you are the only one behind the steering wheel of your life.
Helping others, supporting them, being present for them…is one thing. Being generous and altruistic, having a good heart and being there for people in a genuine way is an amazing human trait that I wish more people in this world had. BUT…there is a fine line when this behaviour is instilled by fear ( of losing someone, of losing a job, of not being accepted and so on ). Than, it becomes a problem.
It also becomes a problem when someone is trying to please someone to get something out of them, and not with selfless intentions. It can transforms itself in a way of manipulation that can turn into a vicious circle the moment the “giving person” is not appreciated, and generosity becomes resentment.
“No matter what your values are, you’ll stop behaving according to them if you’re focused primarily on pleasing other people. You’ll quickly lose sight of doing what’s right and try only to do what makes other people happy. Just because it’s a popular choice, doesn’t mean it’s the right one”:
- worrying about trying to please everyone is a waste of time
- people pleasers are easily manipulated
- it’s ok for others to feel angry and disappointed
- you can’t please everyone
You don’t have to have an excuse about why you can’t do something. It is your life, your values and your decisions. But in a moment of uncertainty, you can use the below questions to help you out:
- is this something I want to do?
- what will I have to give up by doing this?
- what will I gain by doing this?
- how will I feel if I do it?
“When you stop worrying about pleasing everyone and instead, are willing to be bold enough to live according to your own values, you will experience many benefits:
- your self-confidence will soar
- you will have more time and energy to dedicate to your goals
- you will feel less stressed
- you will establish healthier relationships
- you will have increased willpower
No one can force you to do anything that goes against your will and your values. And if someone insists, than that person should not belong in your life. Those who really love you, will always respect who you are and your decisions, and will not expect you to give up what it important to you, to make them happy. Someone’s happiness cannot breed from someone else’s sorrow.