Another amazing book that I would recommend anyone to read, no matter what your circumstances are.
Fear is something we live with everyday…fear of losing someone, fear of doing a mistake, fear of failure, fear of hurting or being hurt. Fear comes in so many shapes and forms and surrounds us all the time.
Specifically, I would like to talk about fear in relation to goal setting and goal achievement. As mentioned in my previous post, fear is one of the 3 variables that you will always encounter in your journey towards what you want to achieve. It is probably the most difficult one to tackle, as it involves feelings. And feelings are probably the hardest thing to control in life.
In the book, the author challenges you to understand that “fear is simply a fact of life…and not a barrier to success”. What we are actually afraid of is not the feeling of fear in itself, but the fear of not being able to handle whatever life might bring us.
“If you knew that you could handle anything that comes your way, what would you have to fear? NOTHING”. Hence, she suggests that you should focus on “developing more trust in your ability to handle whatever comes your way”. It all comes back to the same topic we touched on before: not feeling good enough about yourself, not believing in what you can do and what you can endure, not trusting that you can achieve everything you set your mind to do. “That lack of trust in yourself is stopping you from getting what you want in life”.
Let’s explore the 5 truths:
- the fear will never go away as long as you continue to grow
- the only way to get rid of the fear of doing something, is to go out and do it
- the only way to feel better about myself is to go out and do it
- not only am I going to experience a fear whenever I am on unfamiliar territory, but so is everyone else
- pushing through fear is less frightening than living with the underlying fear that comes from a feeling of helplessness
Number 4 is my favorite: basically, everyone is in the same boat. Doesn’t it make you feel better already? No one can escape fear, but we can all transform it into something that shares the journey with us in all our exciting adventures. Otherwise, where is the fun? If you don’t get that knot in your stomach when you are about to do something that you are absolutely terrified about, than what is the point? I see various quotes about this all the time, and it goes something along the lines of “if it scares the hell out of you, that is probably what you should be doing”.
She suggests to take a position of POWER, instead of one of pain. And you can’t reach your goals or do what you really want to do, unless you take charge of the situation. If you let fear and pain take control of you, you will never go down the road you want to be driving on to reach your goals, be who you want to be, achieve your dreams and live your life to the fullest of its potential.
The shift from pain to power cannot, and will not, happen in a day. Expand your comfort zone little by little, taking a risk here and there, one day at a time, just “don’t stay there doing nothing, powerless”. “Take risks that expand your self-worth, that enhance your ability to deal with your fears: you are in total control, you create what’s in your head”
I have complained to no end about my life, about feeling unhappy, about not having started to live my life just yet despite being about to knock the door of the 40’s. But than I read books like these and I cannot not do anything about it. As mentioned in my previous post, we need to take 100% responsibility for our lives and our decisions. Not saying it is easy, all I am saying is that waiting brings no growth, no accomplishment, no satisfaction.
I know this post has a lot of quotes from the book, but I can’t really explain it any better, so I would like to finish with some of the best ones, that I believe summarize well the overall idea of the book and that I found extremely impactful.
“It’s important to realize that every moment you are choosing the way you feel – We create our own reality”
“You are not a failure if you don’t make it – you are a success because you tried”
“There are no right or wrong decisions – just different ones “
“Be your own best friends – don’t put yourself down”
“All you have to do to change your world, and change the way you think about it”
“The knowledge that you can handle anything that comes your way, is the key to allowing yourself to take healthy life-affirming risks”
“Under all our fears hides the lack of trust in ourselves”